Emotional Health / Addiction

Addiction is everywhere, some types are obvious, while other, not so. But suffice it to say, that at some point in their lives, most have suffered with some sort of short or long term addiction. Addiction is insidious, it creeps into our lives unnoticed and begins to take control of our thoughts and actions. It is truly amazing to see someone who is obviously spiraling downward from their constant preoccupation with a substance or behavior and how this unholy alliance seems to take on a life of its own. Friends and family can see that this person’s spirit is being sacrificed to maintain this nefarious connection, but because they have come to believe that their very existence now depends upon these obsessions, they will deny that anything is wrong. Even an eminent threat to their health will not bring them to their senses.

If you’re addicted to smoking, drinking, drugs, food or abusive relationships and you’re ready to change, you’ll see yourself in the forgoing paragraph. If you’re addiction is still in control, you’ll rationalize that this applies to someone else and move on. Until you’re ready, nothing will be capable of penetrating the wall of denial you have put between yourself and the healthy life that awaits you. If you are ready, but the addiction still has you in its steely grip, you are in a very vulnerable state indeed. It’s as if you are attempting to leap from one precipice to another and in between, there is nothing to hang on to. As your inner self attempts to reemerge, you’ll feel increasingly alienated by the people that were the focus of or the support for the life you’re trying to leave behind, that’s understandable. But what’s really scary is that now even family, coworkers and old friends seem strange. As you struggle to remake yourself, old patterns are suddenly uncomfortable, you cannot be who you were before, even the old you is like a shed skin, the addiction has changed you. As the nubile flesh is still adapting, senses are heightened, familiar sounds are annoying, you’re out of step with the world around you.

This is where many choose the path of least resistance, change is painful and frightening and most will seek the relative security of their obsessive patterns and be less likely to ever challenge the power of their addiction again. I have compassion for those who have drifted close to salvation, only to run scared from the darkness of the unknown. It was the most difficult time of my life. I had to leave everything behind. My marriage, house, friends and even my job reinforced my destructive lifestyle. I left it all for a filthy little rented room in another county to weather my 'dark night of the soul', which lasted several months. The only sanctuary I knew were a few of my favorite CDs that I played over and over, a support group that I found on the internet and a book (Codependent No More), which I read and re-read, until I understood that everything I was feeling was normal. I highlighted passages, took notes on my feelings and spent time soaking in the calming strength and serenity of nature. The house where I was staying was on a huge wetlands preserve. Every afternoon, a flock of Canada geese would fly over, their cacophonous call filling the air with wildness. It occured to me that if I could still experience the wonder of magical moments like that, there was hope and hope felt like a beautiful sunrise after a long cold storm.

Let me know your thoughts...

Symptoms of Codependency