Learn to Heal: On the wisdom of seeking friendly advice
LEARN TO HEAL


Learn to Heal



An examination of the 8 Wonders of Integrated Living: Health, Introspection, Honesty, Courage, Beauty, Solitude, Joy and Balance. As this is a living, evolving document, I encourage each of you to contribute your own responses as you read, so that together we might build a powerful collaborative work that helps to inform and transform ourselves as well as those who follow.

thank you....M. Reynolds


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

On the wisdom of seeking friendly advice

Let me mention something that occurred to me after I wrote the post on "Honesty/Vanquish Self Deception. I suggested that readers wanting guidance in their lives seek the counsel of those, in their circle of acquaintances that they admire. Find out what challenges they have faced and how they worked to overcome them.

But I believe that this method alone, could keep one in a circular pattern, unable to rise above their faulty thinking because those that they find worthy of admiration are perhaps not.

How could this happen?

Let me use an analogy-Let us say that you are struggling with an addiction, whatever it is, sexual, substance, patterns of behavior. You know, or have met someone who you learn has struggled with something similar and appears to have been able to wrestle it under control. You ask for their counsel. But in spite of appearances, this person has really not conquered their demons, they have just driven them farther below the surface, where they are not as obvious.

They may profess to be your friend, but really are intimidated by your charm, intelligence, good looks, athleticism, whatever. Either intentionally or unintentionally, they give you advice that is not really in your best interest. This way, instead of helping you to succeed, thereby making you more of a threat to them, they have actually undermined you, given you guidance which will eventually lead you to fail.

I am not saying this has to be the case, but insecure people often have a tremendous capacity to cover their weaknesses. They can easily trick you into believing they have your best interest at heart, when they are really about the business of pushing you down to bolster their own flagging egos.

Therefore, I would like to recommend a couple of books. Books are great because the guidance they offer is anonymous to some extent. The author doesn't know you, they have no vested interest in your success of failure. They have written the book, more than likely, because they are passionate about the subject. As such, they may have studied, for an example, the mechanics of addiction or of relationships and arrived at some interesting insights. You can learn these insights at your own pace and refer back to them when you need a refresher. And best of all, you won't have the interference of human dynamics clouding or distorting the free flow of information.

So here you go: First book - Codependant No More , by Melodie Beattie. This book has helped many people over the years. It is compassionately, yet articulately written and I highly recommend it. The link above is for a hard cover version from Amazon. I recommend finding the paperback version in your local library or buying it used somewhere, for much cheaper.

The other book is a real eye opener. It is from an interesting man, now passed away named Alan Watts. It is to some degree a cult classic, meaning that its views informed and transformed a generation of revolutionary thinkers, but its message is no less powerful and poignant today.
The book is called The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. As you read, make sur to have a highlighter in hand to mark important little tidbits you will want to refer to again and again.

These 2 books should help you make strides in the areas of "Self Awareness" and breaking "Unhealthy Patterns"

If you have feedback on these books, please send it along.

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